NOVEMBER WHO AM I?
Psalm 73
The first 16 verses of this psalm sound like a commentary on the present state of our world. Yet it was written about three thousand years ago by a poet/prophet/musician called Asaph. He was a Levite, appointed by King David to lead the worship music before the Ark of the Covenant. Although he begins this song with an affirmation of the goodness of God, he quickly descends into lament which teeters on the edge of self-pity, resentment and bitterness. In a mood of frustration and hopelessness, he reflects on the world of his day, seeing how greed, cruelty and the lust for power and control seem to triumph, how the wicked prosper and are ‘rewarded’, while ‘ordinary’ people are increasingly being trampled underfoot, as of no account. Overwhelmed by a sense of powerlessness to change anything, he asks the question, “Did I keep my heart pure for nothing – when all I get is pain and trouble?” It’s as if he is in a crisis of identity, confused and lost. “Who am I in all of this – and where is God?”
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? In both the macro and micro scenarios of this present age, we are living in a threshold or liminal space. We cannot return to the world we once knew yet we’re not sure what the future looks like. Everywhere evil seems to prosper and things that are pure and lovely and good are trampled underfoot. Yet this is our time. It is the era we have been given to live. We have no other. The challenge, therefore, is “How do we stand in such uncertainty with compassion, integrity and trust?” We, too, can have a crisis of identity and feel that God is absent. We are in danger of losing ourselves. Who are we if we feel we are separated from him? How do we live the future we long for in the now?
Asaph found such a task too difficult – that is, until he went into the sanctuary, and in the stillness and sense of presence, he began to understand. His heart awakened to the fact that God ‘knew’, that God was at work, that evil would not have the last say. He realised something else as well, namely that he himself had been viewing the situation from a very negative standpoint. “Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant.” Asaph’s awakening heart led him deeper on his own inner journey. The candle of the Spirit enabled him to see more clearly who he really was. He was embracing the ‘more’ of God. “I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”
Perhaps more than ever in these days, we need to seek the sanctuary, that quiet place within where God dwells. In that sense of presence we, too, may begin to see more clearly, to understand in a place beyond our conscious minds, that God is at work, that we can trust him both in the macro and the micro. Perhaps it is the only place where we can truly look at the ways we can become torn up and bitter inside and not be destroyed by such feelings. For as we wait we begin to realise that there is a deeper scenario than all our fears, resentments and feelings of powerlessness. It is the quiet ever-growing certainty that we belong to God. Nothing can alter that truth. He is holding us, guiding us, leading us to a glorious destiny. Bad things may happen, our health may fail, our spirits may grow weak but God remains the strength of our hearts. He is ours forever – and we are his. We cannot be separate from him for in him everything and everyone belongs. As we begin to absorb that incredible fact, then our hearts are awakened a little bit more. In that ongoing awakening we become more aware of who we really are, the beloved of God. And we will find that we can join with Asaph in these words of affirmation, “As for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.”
Could we now pause for a moment before we enter discussion and pray together the following prayer of George Appleton? After the Amen, wait for a few minutes in silence before sharing any thoughts we may have on this month’s reflection.
Give me a candle of the Spirit, O God, as I go down into the depths of my being. Show me the hidden things, the creatures of my dreams, the storehouse of forgotten memories and hurts. Take me down to the spring of my life and tell me my nature and my name. Give me the freedom to grow that I may become that self, the seed of which you planted in me at my making. Amen
